I’m finally feeling that certainty that Spring is here. We are starting to spend more and more time outdoors – Ava on her scooter, Ezra on his trike and me prodding and pulling and attenpting some gardening. Regardless of anything else, I feel like Spring is here because I actually have some motivation to garden.
And we have a kind of renewed energy all round. We’re emerging from blankets and sofas and throwing ourselves into new projects. Ideas for days out here and there, fun things we’ll do when friends come to visit.
I’m feeling the love, right now. Maybe because I’m approaching that last run of pregnancy where I can sense that soon, I’m going to be birthing. Soon I’m going to get to meet little Gatsby.
Whatever is going on, I feel flooded with gratitude and good energy. I’m surrounded by some of the most amazing people I could hope to know – I have a tribe of incredible, talented, strong Mamas around me, I’m knee deep in orders from now until Autumn making baby carriers and felted figures and all the things I love to make and we’ve reached a point, presently, where watching Ava and Ezra learn in a natural way is so fulfilling.
So often we are faced with unpicking damaging ways of thinking, or examining why we are finding letting go of something particularly hard, and lately it feels as if this has eased off somewhat. I’m not sure we ever actively tried to teach Ava anything, but I can definitely see how we had this idea of how hard we had to try to help her learn, whereas with Ezra we haven’t been teacherly at all, or in any way pushy and coercive. And he’s so completely, happily Ezra.
I come back again and again to the feeling that it would be so, so hard for kids not to learn. You’d have to make a real effort to keep them from the world and the world from them. But relaxing, forgetting about learning, having fun, following their interests and being there with them to talk and answer questions…this is such a source of joy right now. We all seem okay at the moment. We all feel connected. I’ll take that, and be damn grateful for it, too.
And soon, I know there will be a new little person to focus on. I know the pace of all our days will shift and a new dynamic will be found, whatever that will look like. But right now, I’m happy to be riding this energy of wanting to do things – and my list is long – before all of that occurs.
We have rooms to paint, and gardens to plant with summer flowers. We have things to do before May, when our friends return from Canada and I imagine we’ll be spending all day, every day with them. I have orders to complete and new ventures to think about for late summer and Autumn. I have ballet shows to prepare for and a friend’s Blessingway to organise. Parks to go to and squirrels to feed. Chapters of The Wishing Chair to read over and over. Train tracks to build. All good things.