When I don’t write for long enough, I feel like I should give some sort of review or round up. Something to substitute the time spent here, where I so often wish I could have been.
But lately I’ve been struggling with Time. Again. Always, it boils down to Time.
Trying to find a way, graciously or not, of accepting that I just don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do, in the time frame I want to do them in, whilst being present and available to my children and being healthy. Healthyish.
Some things go altogether, and some stay in a way that is different to how I imagined. Like people, I suppose.
Sometimes the fact that I can still stay up ’til 3am reading a whole book is so thrilling that it is more important than the feeling of tiredness that follows for two days after. And sometimes not.
Here I am in the middle point of the year (my birthday falls exactly six months from Christmas which seems…significant somehow, in the rhythm of my year) and I feel a deep need to declutter the last six months of the year and make room for the next.
I feel the pull of our homeschooling days asking for a little more time and space (rearranging is necessary). I feel the excitement and business of Autumn, of Ava’s 4th birthday, of a Doula course and then Christmas…and I want to face it all with less stuff, less mess around me.
These past few weeks have been a flurry of activity. So much making, so much just hanging out with friends in gardens and parks and back yards. A birthday as close to perfect as you can get, thanks to the sweet thoughtfulness of my family and friends. Watching Ava and Ezra play with each other more and more every day, and continually overwhelmed by how sweet they are to each other.
Anyway. If you should find yourself in need of something beautiful and delicate to read at 11pm at night, I would recommend ‘We Were Liars’ by E. Lockhart. It’s worth being exhausted for.