A year still sounds like a solid length of time, but now it passes so quickly I often feel like I cant keep up. A year since my son was born, a year since I was last pregnant.
The 4th trimester – that time beginning with the birth of a baby and lasting, for me, around a year – is a very insular one. I feel as if I am only just emerging now, a little more aware of the outside world.
When people say that they can’t imagine having children, I think they’re forgetting that children are just small people who you happen to have made, and therefore inexplicably want to be around all the time and love in a way you can’t even fathom. It’s not the same as liking other people’s kids, and even the things you might find annoying in others are things you can love in your children.
I can’t imagine now a time before Ava and Ezra. I couldn’t imagine, a year ago, how I might love anyone as much as Ava. I thought that Ezra would somehow be born and fit in and I didn’t expect the tidal wave of adoration I would feel for this little boy, and how it would change us all.
And now he’s here, a year doesn’t seem like long enough. He has brought so much love and sweetness and play to our family. He is the most joyful person I know. Ava and Ezra together is the best thing I’ve experienced, the little acts of love and habit they’ve already created.
He is cuddly, funny, clumsy, chatty and when he wants to kiss me he puts his hands on my cheeks, opens his mouth wide and sticks his tongue out. He calls Ava ‘Ada!’ and although he knows the sign for milk, he prefers to smack my chest and grunt when he wants it. Everything he does is delightful and I never tire of being around him.