The Deep

Although I am of course talking about the very large Aquarium in Hull, I could also be referring to this phase I feel I am at the moment.

So it was maybe not a bad thing today that it snowed, that our plans to take a long walk at the Lavender Farms were thwarted and that instead we found ourselves Hull-bound in search of fish and sharks with our friends.

Deep 2

Deep 3

I am trying to make the most of this time when it is still just Ava and I, like it has been for two and a half years now. And although I am aware what is changing is something that is inevitable, something that will be so exciting and remarkable and completely unknowable (especially for an only child) I also feel somewhat sentimental about all the little things that Ava and I are doing right now. I hold her particularly close at night, whilst I still have just one delicious little body to snuggle up to.

The more I desire to retreat into myself and my home, the more days are spent just Ava and I, and those close around us, the more I feel a sense of restoration. I need this curling up for now, this time to prepare. And not just for Ezra, but for the process of bringing him into this world too.

I feel as if I can sense myself drawing nearer to birth, and I am so much more connected to it this time around, that I want to give myself over to it as much as possible. I understand more now that birthing is not simply a means to an end, but such a powerful process too. Something to be celebrated and enjoyed and held quietly for all the power that it brings with it. To see it as both extraordinary and ordinary at the same time.

For now, we have the Easter weekend to look forward to. Howard is off work for four days and we have lots of family things planned. Trips to the cinema, the library, the park, gardening, swimming, and some making too. And a little time to appreciate the deep.

Deep 6


About Kendal

I'm Kendal Mosley-Chalk. I live in York with my husband and four children.
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